I have been with girls that make me feel safe, but they don’t make me feel much else. Does love bring unsettlement because you're scared to lose it or is that cheap lust because true love wouldn’t make you feel like this. What cotton candy land bullshit that must be, for it to just be easy, that is boring, right?
Words are so obvious, they are just one thing, wouldn’t it be cool to write something that didn’t make sense? But no one would like it.
I still want to be me, even if no one wants to be with me, not even me.
I see writing as like having a girlfriend; you can only go to her so much to make you feel better before she just leaves you because you're a miserable loser.
I thought she trusted me because she fell asleep when I was in her room but when I found over a hundred pills in the skirting I knew she was keeping secrets. I wanted to yell at her but she looked very peaceful when she was asleep. I wonder if she dreamt when she was asleep or only when she was awake.
I believe every human is a type of dog, a breed and often with their own characteristics. So I started to see Ralph in the eyes of humans. Because I was treating humans with the love of dogs, the line started to blur between what a dog and a human are. So I accidentally spoke to a Dog, forgetting he couldn’t talk back and because I forgot he did too.
Is this the downfall of every artist? A beautiful woman... Well, I keep writing, maybe more now than before. How many drunks are out there, too scared to face their reflection in the blank page without the devil's elixir to aid the battle. Am I writing well?... what kind of writer am I if I have to deny the beauty of life to do it?
He ripped up his story and threw it to the birds. He had already got everything he could have wanted, he didn’t need eyes to tell him it was a good story. He was just happy to play. He knew it was all just play. The world went on, trying to get her attention, she told it to be quiet, she was too busy documenting the past to see the present. But Riley smiled, loving her anyway.
“Fuck him man, I’ll kill him, I'll slit his fucking throat,” showing his fear through aggression about the boyfriend who wanted his head.
On the other side of the river a body lay dead in silk. Next to him a man scrolling through his phone.
It is exhausting; giving everything the benefit of the doubt. Accepting anyone is prone to corruption. Double think; entertaining both signs of the coin. Never being fully sure. Your internal soul knows everything already. Ideas, virtues, actions, poems, songs, silence, symbols can lead you on your path. You chase the rabbits tracks but never see the Rabbit, because the rabbit is you. You are following yourself from the front. A little more efficient this time or maybe the wrong way to learn it was the right. Learn nothing to realise that’s what you learnt.