It has been three years since the accident. Where I lost my right eye. I never really appreciated when I had it, but now, after bumping into corners and almost breaking my neck when someone whispers my name from out of sight, I sure do miss that eye. I was playing catch with the neighbour. We were talking about dinosaurs. I told him I am really not too bothered about them. I told him I have always seemed to care more about the mind and emotions and dinosaurs only left their bones, dinosaurs didn’t leave any art. He thought I was stupid, that the consciousness we have was the same one they did, that time is full of secrets and if there is anyone to learn from, it is a group who are all dead, who are where we are inevitably heading. I threw the ball back, slightly to his left, and told him that everything he just said made me want to learn about them even less. I said that I don’t know who made this baseball glove. I don’t know how rubber is made. I don’t even know what rubber is. I said there is more than enough things right here that I don’t know about without worrying about dinosaurs. I didn’t ask you to worry about them, he replied.
That is when I saw the clouds separate and an angel with horrifically realistic white wings fly through a pool of blue. My friend didn’t realise I had lost concentration and the ball hit me in the eye. They tried to save it but didn’t. My friend was very sorry but what for? He isn’t the one who got hit in the head. I never saw the angel again, maybe if I had two eyes I would have. I never told anyone. But I have thought about it.
Yesterday, whilst walking, I was kicking a stone along with me. I had a terrible sense of sentimentality for this stone because I had committed fourteen kicks and three minutes of concentration. On the fifteenth kick I booted it as hard as I could. The rattle stopped too early, causing me to look up. Standing there was the Devil. Well, I only assumed it was the Devil because of his appearance. He was red. He had horns. Somewhat legs of a goat. Tall. Eyes like a snake. Pointy teeth like a shark. And as he spoke, the mind of man. I said I was sorry for hitting him with the rock. He asked if I want my eye back. I said depends. He told me he could give me my right eye back, that he could give me everything I ever wanted. I told him I have what I need, that want is just greed, that I'm too lazy for greed. Then he summoned a beautiful woman. A Latina wearing a silk dress and you could see her nipple. Devil, I said, it is just not the same, its just too obvious, like prostitution or candy. I am sorry, this dreadful wisdom makes you boring. He pulled out a joint, handed it to me, and I took it and walked off. Smoking the joint I wondered what the hell that was all about. I turned around and the devil and the Latina were fighting. The devil was choking her. I walked back and kicked him but it was too late, she was dead. Why did you do that? I asked. Impulse, he replied. How did it make you feel? Myself, said the devil. I handed him the lit joint and together we sat by her corpse. He took two drags and handed it back. That made me like him.
What's it like being red? I asked.
No one reads my books, he replied.
No, I mean your colour.
Oh, don’t know anything different.
Fair enough.
We sat in silence and I asked him if music is bad and he asked, compared to what? Good point, I replied. I handed the joint back after two puffs. The weed tasted like heaven, even though I had not tasted heaven myself, or maybe I had. Maybe it was that time I went on a picnic with my ex girlfriend that time, then I thought further, and knew if I was looking back now I was looking back then, so I just sat there in the moment, smoking a joint with the devil.
You mind if we swap sides? I asked
why?
cant see you on my right
oh, of course. Sure.
You are a fallen angel or something aren’t you?
ahhh yeah I guess so. I am will.
Same.
No, I don’t mean my name is William, I mean I am… like free will you know.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You don’t really understand me do you?
I don’t understand anything, I said. Then I said, What am I meant to do?
When?
In life. How do I not fall into your traps?
I guess you are meant to be really pure and that pureness will allow you to be present in the moment and understand the difference between actions coming from the light in your heart, your soul and actions caused by the corruption of everything fabricated in this manifest.
Jesus, I said.
Yeah, people call it Jesus.
I meant, like wow. Not Jesus of Nazareth.
Oh okay.
Seems a bit hard doesn’t it.
Yeah.
What are you scared of? I asked the devil
winning.
You want to know what I think.
Sure.
You're the closest thing to Jesus we have.
Why
I think you will just get bored of all this the quickest, get over it.
And do what?
Chill out.
Time went on without us. The weed was good. The Latina stayed dead.
If you can tell me one thing that is smart on this planet ill buy you a beer, said the devil
orcas, I replied.
where’s the pub?
down the road.
so we went down the road.
pot or a pint?
if you are buying ill have a pint, I joked.
as we sat there I asked him if I can ask a question
just did, he replied. But yeah, sure, go on.
Well, do you know how I lost my eye?
The devil stayed silent.
I was playing catch, and I saw an angel. The ball hit me in the head. That is how I lost it.
The devil stayed silent.
I am not exactly a conspiracy theorist, well, I am. Maybe the biggest in the planet. But one of my theories is that we don’t know anything, so I have no grounds for emotion
Get on with it, said the devil.
Sorry. I just cant help to think. After you arrived offering an eye, and an angel was a catalyst in me losing it, that you two work together. Like the countries who start wars and then pretend to win them just so they can sell guns and steal.
The devil looked around. My beer was in front of me. The devil got a bourbon and coke. I laughed at that and he asked why, I said I dunno.
I will tell you, said the devil. Just, keep it to yourself, I got a reputation to uphold. You are right. There is no difference between an angel and me. The human mind cant comprehend that. We are two legs on the same body. The more you believe in one the stronger the other comes. We are the epitome of duality. People try and reach this false idea of divinity that they themselves have created, and when they fall short of something that doesn’t exist, they spiral in their shame. Then, in the deepest and darkest holes, they again begin their journey back to nowhere.
So its better just to ignore it all?
Yep.
Thanks for being honest.
No worries. What was your second question?
Do trees get sad?
They can but they don’t.
Why?
How many times can you lose your leaves and continue to cry?
So, like… Darkest before the dawn. Winter before spring. Detach from the cycles life requires to live type shit?
Yep.
Next time I see a tree I am going to hug it.
Faggot, said the devil.
If gay people supposedly go to hell, does that mean you like them or what?
I told you before, it is all made up. It is all just here. This is it. No one gives a fuck who you fuck.
I think this sums up humans the most, I said to the devil.
In world war two, when the soldiers
found themselves fighting in the
snow
they kept wearing brown and green uniform
because that is what their unform was.
Don’t know what you are talking about, said the devil.
That has always been my problem. I am an entertainer. I have just never found my crowd.
The devil drank quickly. I kept up. Then his little snake eyes latched onto a man. He convinced that man to murder another. Right there in the bar. A convicted paedophile. The man put his glass straight into his neck. The blood pooled on the floor. I stepped over it and left.
On the way home a lady said hello.
I said it back.
Where are you going?
Home.
Mind if I join you?
Yes.
Yes what?
Yes I mind.
I got no other place to go, she said.
Okay, but no funny business?
None?
Just no trouble alright?
None?
Yes, none.
What happened to your eye, she asked.
Baseball hit it whilst I was watching the devil fly.
Poor darling, must be hard only seeing half of the world.
I didn’t say anything. I felt grumpy. Not sure why.
You seem grumpy she asked.
You seem intuitive.
What does that mean?
doesn’t matter. Why don’t you have anywhere to go?
I do now.
Before now.
Life has not been too kind to me lately. I caught a train hoping for something, landed in this small town. Something told me to get off the train here.
What was it?
The conductor.
They call this place the dumb fish you know.
Why?
Its at the end of the line.
That is funny.
Why aren’t you laughing?
Just didn’t happen.
We walked into the door, well through it. The fire was going. I opened the courtyard door and grabbed four logs. Opened the fire door and put two of them on.
Want a drink? I asked her.
Yes please, it is freezing in here.
Give the fire a second, it’ll warm up.
I got an old bottle of red wine. Opened it. Poured two glasses. I felt a bit drunk already from drinking with the devil.
This taste like diesel, she said.
I didn’t say anything.
So, she said. What do you do?
I invent things.
Like what.
Stories.
Oh, so you are a writer?
No. I am a god.
You are strange, but so cute. Can you come sit next to me? I'm cold.
No.
Why are you so mean?
Mean is another word for average. Therefore I am just normal.
I want to show you this, she said, lifting up her skirt.
I didn’t say anything.
I am wearing no underwear, she said.
No wonder you're cold.
She stood and walked over to me. Rubbed my face and made me flinch cause I didn’t see her hand. Then sat on my lap.
I stood up, slapped her over the back of the head. She turned looking shocked. Then smiled.
How did you know it was me? Asked the devil.
There hasn’t been an attractive female in Wandong… ever. You got a crush on me or something? I asked.
Nah, it is just nice to get the ones who think they cant be got.
Oh I can be got devil my love, I said, and so can you. Bend your little goat legs over, I am going to fuck you.
It is me who does the fucking, he said.
Not tonight.
And before I raped the devil I said, “An eye for an eye.”
