"Yeah, so maybe don’t get your hopes up too much, maybe don’t travel across galaxies for it. Also, this is a thought I just had as I was talking, maybe not knowing is better than actually knowing, the anticipation is better than the resolution, the open ended story is better than a completed one, like life you know?"
I was only seventeen when this happened, twenty years ago. Now, as a thirty-seven-year-old who has just made it big in the literary department, I feel the need to finally speak my truth. My book kiss on the neck has just sold more copies in 2044 than the bible. Its okay though, Jesus was in both. The book is about a Vampire who sucks on the neck of this unknown Jewish Arab, unbeknownst that the Arabs blood was wine and he was the essence of god himself. The vampire falls in love with the intoxication and keeps Jesus alive to continue the natural flow of Gods nectar. He was a nasty drunk; this vampire. He was very mean to Jesus and exposed all the power he used without wisdom. Yet, Jesus, true to the nature you're now aware of, was patient, showed forgiveness and an unconditional love. Eventually the Vampire needn’t felt the need to drink, yet wanted the company of his new found companion.
The vampire never slept.
“I slept for three hundred years,” he would say.
One night after six months of drinking and discussion, which is heavily documented in kiss on the neck, the vampire asked Jesus if he wants him to stop sucking on his neck.
“Yes,” Jesus replied.
With sorrow riddled acceptance the vampire says, “Ok.”
The energy whispered anticipation.
“Not even a little bit?” asked the vampire,
“Ok,” Jesus confessed, “a little bit… Only sometimes.”
“Why?” the vampire asked.
“Because I love the pain.”
From there they ended up having hot homosexual sex and were murdered for it, rightfully so.
Anyway, you should still read it, it’s a very concentrated 1327 pages.
But this night, twenty years ago, on a porch of a bungalow on an island in the province of Thailand sat a man who was me. I still am him, but not at that time. I was in Thailand studying the possibility of big foots presence. There were numerous sightings of his left shoulder. I am only joking, I was there to get away from the harsh reality of reality.
I sat, about to write a short story on the nature of women and I saw a thumbs up behind my eyes.
“What?” I said aloud.
No reply. Five minutes later, a tiny green man walked up the stairs and stood on the tiles.
“Hello?” I asked and greeted.
“Yes.”
“Yes what?”
“How are you?”
“Are you going to kill me?” I asked.
“Are you afraid of me?” it asked.
“Yes, but don’t take it to heart, I am afraid of everything.”
“Don’t be afraid,” said the tiny green man.
“That’s what I say too.”
“Why are you afraid?” it asked.
“I think because I'm an animal and cant grasp concepts,” I replied.
“Are you afraid of me?”
“I already answered that!”
“Sorry, I forgot”
“Are you an Alien?” I asked.
“What is an Alien?” it replied.
“Something from a place that is not here.”
“Oh, then yes.”
“Is that your ufo?” I asked, looking at a drum.
“Yeah.”
“How do you fit in it?” I asked him, then I said, “Wait, are you an alien?”
“Yes I already answered that” replied the alien.
“Oh sorry, I forgot.”
“How do you forget that?”
“I don’t know how I forget things, if I did there is heaps of things I would.”
“Okay.” “How are you so small?” I ask the alien.
“I can be whatever size I want.”
“Why do you want to be that size?”
“I haven’t thought about it” replied the small alien.
“Well, have you now?”
“Yes,” he replied, then he grew to be seven foot.
“Okay, that’s intimidating” I confessed.
“Sorry,” replied the giant alien.
“I am scared of lizards” I said.
“So?”
“Well, I'm just putting it into perspective. I think I know everything a lizard could and more and I'm still scared of them.”
“Soooo?” said the impatient giant alien.
“Well, obviously you know how to travel across galaxies, so if I'm scared of a lizard, don’t be upset if I am scared of you.”
“Okay.”
“Are you going to kill me?”
“No,” he said.
“Can I trust you?”
“I don’t know your capabilities, I am here to ask you one single question.”
“Okay.”
“What happened in the tv show lost?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t watch it” I said, cause I had not.
“They cancelled it on our planet and I cant find a legal place to download it. I just want to know what happened,” he pleaded embarrassingly.
“I haven’t watched it, I'm sorry I cant help you. I can look up online and find out, but I didn’t watch a single second, so I literally know less than you.”
“For fuck sake.” said the giant angry green alien.
“Is that it?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“You came all the way here just to ask me that?”
“Not that far, its one song.”
“One song?”
“Yeah” replied the giant alien, now just wanting to leave but my curiosity kept his giant presence present.
“How does it work?”
“I can be whatever size I want because I am not restricted by time. Right now I am in a forty five year old’s body even though I am only ten years old.”
“How can you be an age if you are not restricted by time?”
“Your world,” he said, “is like the inside of a clock. I was here ten years ago for the first time and now I am here again, does that make sense?”
“No, but don’t worry not much does for me these days,” I replied.
“Did they ever?”
“Yeah.”
“What happened?”
“It just stopped… I think Lost had a bad ending, like a shit ending, from what I heard from others.”
“Oh really?” said the giant alien.
“Yeah, so maybe don’t get your hopes up too much, maybe don’t travel across galaxies for it. Also, this is a thought I just had as I was talking, maybe not knowing is better than actually knowing, the anticipation is better than the resolution, the open ended story is better than a completed one, like life you know?”
“Sorry I zoned out, you are extremely boring,” said the alien.
“Come on man!”
He laughed in an extremely high pitched tone and made all the dogs in Thailand bark.
“So, how do you get here?” I asked.
He sat down, now just accepting the fate of his journey.
His actions were very human like and funny because he was a seven foot alien. Don’t begrudge my imagination for not spicing it up, this actually happened, and he looked just like an alien. Big black eyes. I felt I could jump into them and float as a cosmic man.
“You have seen one of these before?” he picked up his tiny UFO.
“A ufo?”.
The giant alien shook his giant green head in annoyance, “Listen,” he said, “If UFO is an acronym for unidentified flying object, then doesn’t mean it is identified? the name eats itself, its completely baron, if anything it should be called a IFO. But that doesn’t even work, we don’t even fly.”
“How does it work?!” I shouted, he looked at me like ‘what the fuck?’
“You seen a tongue drum before surely?” he asked.
I looked at it through human eyes and noticed it was just one of those steel drums that hippies play.
“Yeah,” I said, “I didn’t know they were called tongue drums though.”
“Maybe they aren’t, I don’t know,” replied the alien, “but anyway, the name doesn’t matter. What happens is I go inside one of these and tap into the frequency and that’s how I move within dimensions. This is the third dimension, restricted by time, but you create good art.”
“We do?”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but who ever wrote lost did.”
“I haven’t seen it” I said. “Should I?”
“Depends what you like?” replied the alien.
“Gee, I don’t know… I write,” I said.
“Really, what do you write?”
“This.”
“Huh?”
“I will probably write about this conversation” I said.
“How will people handle that?” he asked.
“They will just think I made it up.”
I had a beer in front of me and five more in the fridge.
“Do you want a beer?” I asked.
“Ah I shouldn’t, but alright,” replied the giant alien.
I got him a beer, when I came back out he was one foot tall again.
“You shrunk,” I said.
“Yeah, so I can get pissed quicker.”
“That’s handy,” I said.
“Yeah,” he replied, as he ate the bottle whole.
Then he spat it back out and laughed in that high pitched tone and all the dogs barked again. He opened the bottle normally and took a sip. His voice was even higher now because he was small. It made him very cute.
“We better talk about something interesting then,” said the tiny alien.
“Why?” I asked.
“So your writing will be interesting.”
“Oh yeah, well, no pressure.”
“Ok.”
We sat in silence for about ten minutes.
“Why did you come to me?” I asked.
“Ah, some people just have a frequency and it allows you to know they wont get freaked out or completely lose their mind, also that they have no real respect in the world so people wont make a big fuss about it if they tell everyone.”
“Checks out.”
“Yeah, it is annoying sometimes, because I only get to speak to nut jobs.”
“That’s not very nice,” I said.
“Sorry.”
“Its okay.”
He stood and changed shape a little bit and organised his tongue drum, or whatever they’re called.
“So, whenever someone is playing one of those, they’re allowing a little alien to travel within dimensions?” I asked.
“Yep, thank god for hippies.”
“Who is your god?” I asked.
“The guy who wrote lost, you?”
“Pavlov’s dog, Bullwinkle”
“Cool.”
“Before you go,” I said, now full of questions. “How many dimensions are there?”
“Nine” he replied.
“Which one is the best?”
“I can only go up to six, but I don’t know, I think this one is pretty good.”
“Why?”
“Because you cant see everything.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Like how its all going to end and how it started.”
“When will it end?” I ask.
“When it does.”
“Is there anything you can tell me, before you go, that I should know, that could help us poor humans that are restricted by time?”
“First of all, you are not restricted by time, you are protected by it. Secondly, no amount of worry is going to change what is going to happen, because it already has.”
“Is it bad?” I asked.
“Its neither bad nor good, its just what happens.”
“Is living good?” I asked.
“Depends what you look at”
Then I heard a sweet little tune or taps and bongs and slaps and sweet harmonies tickle the hairs in my ear. The alien was gone. I never got his name. I never wrote about it until now, now that I have everything, now that I am a big hit in the literary world thanks to my masterpiece Kiss on the neck.
